White Snows of Winter 2017

12-17-66Lt.V.P.Fagan, Jr. and Elle Smith Fagan.jpg

Wednesday November 8, 2017 evening.
Facebook just let us join the farewell to one of our military divisions deploying today - I found the YouTube link to "White Snows of Winter" to send my heart to them all. An old one from the Kingston Trio sings of the separation of loved ones and happy reunion, after long journey.   A nice thing for them for a moment maybe.

We care for all these people, men and women, giving us their lives, right at the holidays - may we be worthy!  

Then the memories of our own military days:   pride, commitment, fear, passion, devotion, more commitment, duty, response - at least we grew up on the cool John Wayne movies and could believe we were doing the good thing in our loyalty and support of our land.   Soon after, it was not so easy - critics and demonstrations and wild rebellion against war was right but NOT the way they were doing it.  When we get around to MINDFUL  development of Peace on Earth and NOT  just at the UN, then we will get it.

But then it was about  dating a guy in uniform and being his angel - my own Officer and Gentleman and high fevers for both of us from  army base viral pneumonia  -  bragging we lost all that weight for the photo ops at our Christmas Winter wedding - and the next winter at Fort Knox, bringing home a firstborn son on freezing gray day that felt just fine, because he was our sunshine,  in the wake of THE Infant.   And 22 days later back in Connecticut, and  winter deployings and hurry-up christening so Daddy could be there for it and then unspeakable fear I thought I hid well from all, especially our son.   What felt like years was months later and  the happiest Thanksgiving - he's  Home!  

Just now, listening to  The last stanza of the song brought me the gift. The verse sings about the indescribable holiness of home and loved ones, peacefully asleep so near,  once more!  

And suddenly, tonight, I was there again - the days with all my loved ones home from war and near again.... they still do not make words in English to say the words for the beauty of such days.   When they began to pass for us to regain normal days,  there was still this in my prayer, looking back at war -  not an angry type, I sent a valid and very angry   "NO" over my shoulder:  you cannot have him ever again!  NO.  We earned OUR life together and we WILL have it now.  Such strong stuff from me was new - growing up.   I forgot that part till photo sorting recently. Glad I did that.

I am widowed for some time now and fine and date and work and jog about , but I am not sad today because we really did our part well in work and love - and many lovely seasons warm and cool to make for ourselves and all within our reach.   Thank you for that, life!  I am fine.