War & Johnny Carson's Shirt Size
I was going to tell my happy husband and Handsome Prince when we retired - a huge list of neat things women "keep in their hearts". Fun things to share when we were white-haired and satisfied, enjoying the view from the porch in our rocking chairs: like why I watched "The Tonight Show" with Johnny Carson long past the time one does. Can't do that now. He died before retirement. And so I must share it with you:
a true story from the 1960's dedicated to deployed military and their loved ones at home.
I was going to tell my happy husband and Handsome Prince "when we're old" - a huge list of neat things couples "keep in their hearts". My handsome Prince got home from war just fine and to a fine successful life in work and love and fatherhood, but I'll never get to tell him these things I saved. He died suddenly one morning, well before retirement age. But I can share it with you:
He was an officer, with USACEngineers, Black Diamonds special ops - showing Army Engineers how to NOT to use the horribly carcinogenic Agent Orange to clear foliage. Just graduated with a degree in Chemistry, a healer - He loathed all Chemical Warfare. He enlisted before his draft notice arrived in July, because, if he did so, he was promised that he could choose his job.
It was worthy , but it was war.
The news shared a list of horrifying new war words daily, with "body bag" at the top! I'd blanche and take a chair. No Norman Rockwell and John Wayne easy patriotism - no. Unable to sleep, the popular "Heeerrre's Johnnny!" called my attention and tried to not be "one tough audience" to get a laugh from - though things for us were grim.
Replying to audience comments and questions, he told us his shirt size ! What a guy won't say, to get a laugh! But if you are Johhnnnnny, you can say ANYthing and bring down the house - even his shirt size won the moment. OK, funny!
But NOT for me; Hypersensitive from love and fear, the mention of "fourteen-and-a-half / thirty-two" made me jump up - Though my husband was taller, the shirt size was the same. And suddenly for a moment I smiled in happy peace , remembering the first time I bought him a shirt, the first time I pressed one up for him for a fete, and the first time I trashed a worn out one that he loved secretly and replaced it with a spotless twin. Oh dear, I WAS missing him so much!
It was 1968 - there was no media - no internet - no SKYPE - no email - nothing to bring reassuring live images of my deployed husband. There was Silence, and often lost or delayed mail. Food and other goodies I'd send were raided and never reached him.
I praised our baby, whose health made me NOT hold onto stress that would upset the infant in my arms. Being a good mommy meant NOT hugging our son tighter than I should over it.
But the silly moment worked and after that night, I'd watch Johnny Carson and fix on that shirt size, over and over - for the power of a factoid to generate connectivity. It worked, somehow, till my husband's tour was done. It was a way of poking fun at my own fears.
My late husband's homecoming from war remains the happiest day of my life - surpassing our wedding, our children's births, and even my art at the White House. Till then Death was there constantly taunting me with promises to destroy all the work and love of my own birth and development to make a fine adult life. Fear taunting constantly, no matter how cool and good and brave and busy I could be.
But, NO - you won't win this one....LIFE this time. My Lieutenant USACE Black Diamonds - some months later, walked through that door at LaGuardia - HOME - "all ten fingers, all ten toes", and the love better than ever for the test!
No Johnny Carson story for him - NOT that day. Time - the gift of time was ours - no rush. My husband had plenty of stories, as well, but one look at one another and we exulted : "We'll talk about it when we're old! We're not gonna have a problem ." And we didn't! Boundlessly grateful there was no PTS for us! Life - we won our right to a good life - with a down-payment on the mortgage for it.
Even years later, with our babies half grown and softly sleeping in the next room , curled up safe and sound, "watching Carson" with my husband - I'd sometimes remember the time of his deployment and that night when I was saved by "Johnny Carson's shirt size" on tv; and I'd feel "moreso" blessed for a moment, by comparison to those late nights alone, with nothing but a fixation on a "shirtsize-in-common" to help me hold onto my mind. Grateful praise !
Even widowed, years later I am fine and thriving for the goodness of the many years we made and enjoyed so well!
To all who serve and to all who love them, l send a good wish and a prayer that the Angels send at least a helpful bit of silliness, like "Johnny Carson's Shirt Size" to help any who need one.
Accidental Activist
An election year note: Accidental Activist or not, that's how it was. I found myself doing much more than I ever thought I would - in brave ways - and am fine for it - and maybe finer than some for having done what I could, for seeing it as a human responsibility and acting on that consciousness. My Godmother made the room collapse in laughter the day she said I was a "female Forrest Gump" in that I just happened to be on the spot when some interesting things took place and I was compelled to help. Great - but they left out the Apple Stock for me and emptied me in the Recession instead. Hmmmmm...
An election year note: Accidental Activist or not, that's how it was. I found myself doing much more than I ever thought I would - in brave ways - and am fine for it - and maybe finer than some for having done what I could, for seeing it as a human responsibility and acting on that consciousness. My Godmother made the room collapse in laughter the day she said I was a "female Forrest Gump" in that I just happened to be on the spot when some interesting things took place and I was compelled to help. Great - but they left out the Apple Stock for me and emptied me, financially, in the Recession instead. Hmmmmm...
It is clear that many say, with reason, that we have we lost sight of it all and been "do nothing"! My team may be aging, and many think it is right to do nothing. Sometimes it IS right to do nothing and let others lead.
But most of the time, we can do a thing - the right thing.
- All I had to do was nothing, and my late husband would have lost his health , college and his life twenty years sooner than he did.
- All I had to do was nothing, and our son would have died before he was quite one day old.
- All I had to do was nothing, and our daughter would not have been born.
- All I had to do was nothing, and in civic response work, and others would not be here, or failed the need to get going on a fine new path.
- All I had to do was nothing, and assorted groups and clubs for books , children and sports and design home and cuisine and health would not have happened at all.
- All I had to do was nothing and I might have been killed.
- All I had to do was nothing, recently, and there would have been no SilverSneakers supports from our HMO , when mobility IS life always and truly, as we age.
Making this list helped me to act today. Send me YOUR list - smile , because you may not have realized that you acted - and helped.
For my children: it's not your fault - you didn't do it: when I opted for all the good things, I was surrounded by good people, good schools , SAFE schools - 'dope' was a name for a buddy acting dumb - and there was plenty of prosperity to support me in the grand new things opening up in those days. I skipped and sang down the street in safety and peace. When I was challenged, help was there, never an issue and soon happy days restored and the good things.
My poor children! They knew the good things in early days and even much better. But just as they reached adulthood, personal worldclass issues: they have had to deal with every form of poverty , setbacks in the entire economy and violence - not only far away in a war- but on their streets and in their classrooms every day.
And then, as if we were not dopey enough, they want to legalize narcotics? Suicide for an entire nation is possible.
Worse: our very happiness and prosperity and success CAUSED some of the issues we howl thru today from true abscence of malice and innocence. Growing up in times of prosperity and love and freedom and plenty, our grownup children feel rudely awakened that things are not simply "automatically super" - and this happens every several generations, till things degenerate so badly that"wailing cries shake the very heavens" . And then , compared to the suffering , taking up the tasks to recover the good days, seems fairly easy.
There was a "Do Nothing Congress" , during Harry Truman's Administration, and others were called so, before and since . And they were right. They are saying so now. But why blame congress, when it is we - the people they represent - who need to ACT. Our leaders are not feeling our support and our support is their life blood.
On the sunny side of serious recession, and there is plenty to cope with - Brexit, Terrorism and more - no safe place beyond our home and some do not even enjoy that much. And all these issues won thru to us when we were financially impaired, and so, guilty of caving in to the pressures and going silent.
At the moment, all the other national leaders get to taunt us about our Failures.
- Failure to use our amazing resources as we should
- Failure to get our money in order.
- Failure to law and order in order - to legislate at the federal level, to disarm in the populated areas , arm our police with cams for evidence , and kevlar to save their lives and nonguns, so as not to KILL someone every time there is a "moment". Shame to those who say it is not do-able. It MUST be do-able.
- Failure to get public safety in order: for example, thousands die each year because no one will take up true updates to Occupant Safety and Escape Technology, for tall buildings and planes. Architecture and Aeronautics are seriously remiss - they have cost lives in their failure act on this one issue. As is media for helping them suppress even commentary and calls for action.
- Failure to better define the Presidency and the rules for candidacy and election proceedings to reflext the times and needs. Right now, we idly watch how they can break every good rule and win, anyway.
Yikes!
But, GOOD NEWS: Americans are reeallly bad about Failure of any kind.
We think ourselves a winning entity. Winning through does not just happen. All we have to do is NOTHING.
We have been oppressed by national misfortunes but that is over and we can restore the good.
Act.