Compassion & Intellect feb 20

FEBRUARY 2

Compassion & Intellect for this day of commemoration in my home state Connecticut, for the Sandy Hook slayings of children, and its aftermath.

Compassion & Intellect for this time of refugees and illegal aliens and transgender issues.   My copy of the "coin" to flip stays on my desk or nearby - then I put it away for a while and bring it back out again and start over, with the clarity it brings and power to do better!
Someone sent the card to me as an artshow ad, and it started my own thought on the subject of such a basic dichotomy.  I took it off my postings board and began to carry it, then folded and glue-stick-ed it, so that it worked like flipping a coin. I left it in my wallet/datebook, loose, so that I could not predict which side would show itself to me in the course of a day. It has been a moment's help, over and over again.    May you will find it useful, too!

Instructions for use of Compassion & Intellect

• Copy or Print Image from this page - to 8.5x11inch card or photo paper

• Cut to make four cards, fold at midline, gluestick to make four double-thick cards

• Use and share with friends - a basket of them on your desk is fun!

• If you are handy, cut them in rounds to make a coin to flip, but not necessary.

NOTES ABOUT IT ALL AND A MISSION

It is odd to many people to try to understand martyrs and those who sacrifice.   What intellect could take compassion to the lengths of the saints?  Saint Damien the famous leper colony saint of Molokai Hawaii said , "I make myself a leper with the lepers, to gain all for Jesus Christ. "  - Saint Damien Joseph de Veuster 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Father_Damien#Canonization

It is interesting to note that his work came to the world at the same time as The Red Cross, and other international compassion projects reacting to the horrors of the American Civil War. 

I am just an artist / redcrosslady / happy wife and later widow / happy mother now empty-nested  I cry when I am asked to make ANY sacrifice - I like to make art, and cranberry sauce and happy days and nights - and everyone growing and thriving -  and yet we all deal with the duality of the intellect / compassion balance and pray to make the right choices when it is our turn at it.

The Syrian refugee issue is top  news today - and that is why this posting at the holidays. My plea for thought on this dynamic that rules this moment. 

Or on this Sandy Hook Massacre memorial day - so many ways we could go when reminded of the children lost that day here in Connecticut and on other days in losses all over the world to mindless hate.  We must act with compassion and intellect to gently but firmly at least keep our children safer.  

 Where is the conflict when it is clearly right

• to secure the perimeter of a school

• to recapture decency in every way in the school environment

• to act to prevent repetition of murderous attacks of all kinds

• to drop deadly force altogether, for effective modern technological ways?

• to make the pods for ALL the planes not just a few VIPS?

• to install the affordable, no-brainer elevator-car-like escape pods in the skyscrapers?

These tasks are key and it's been there to do and no one is even talking about it - not even after Sandy Hook or Nineleven, and the agony of the scores of those who are permanently marred by the loss of three thousand on that day because safety issues were NOT considered.   Someone is stonewalling it - lobbies for those who would have to pay to get it done?   It took me a total of maybe 4 hours to get my insurance company to pay for Silver Sneakers fitness subsidies in our county.....but no one will spend even that much time to send around notes and quick emails and work for  fifteen minutes getting an online petition begun.  Why, do you suppose?  Hmmmmmmm.....and the Compassion/Intellect coin is handy again to have nearby. 

We ARE at a funnyspot in evolution - we forget that so much of our goals were to secure the safety of the populace, always, in all leadership - the path for it changed and updated and we did not, so we are lost. But we can do it - it's not so difficult.

Happy Holiday and may both Compassion and Intellect in your level of healthy balance glow till next holiday!     ...and lots of happy moments to empower our best work.

! Elle Smith Fagan   December 14, 2015

Art Notes - feb 21

Connecticut’s state seal features the grape vines - a symbol of enduring sustinence. One of my minis here for it.

The wise man said that a man can DO art, OR talk about art, but not both, but "I am no man" I quote Eowyn in Lord of the Rings as she fells the Witch King who cannot be felled by Man.
There are places at my site to show a lifelong timeline in an arts focus, and its delightful integration in a woman’s life. 

At six, “Artiska” was a nickname - simply studied and put to work lifelong, education and career goals often blocked or denied or impractical but still “ we do something”. In my mind, I see the movie - the days and nights, painting, drawing, designing , sewing, studying, learning , learning, one hand at the work and the other holding on to my angels, and letting go and letting them do their job, while I did mine.

The arts are timeless and have a place in things that holds like no one but the Source of all Life. Process changes, style changes, popularity changes and yet Art IS.

As a girl, I’d be impressed by a person place or thing and want to tell them, but not always sure - is it right to tell them? If it is right, how to tell them? In our day’s work paths we were expected to DO. It was more than that though, that was happening sometimes. It was a thing that felt like life itself - an energy created by the day and its people and their actions.

Art was a way to discover, to make the virtual into a bit of something actual. And maybe to share the journey of it all, and hope that others felt the same and might say so.

This is my Artist’s Valentine for you:

• Fine Art at ElleFagan.com - the artwork here to view or purchase in original or reproduction or imprinted merchandise

• Women in Portraits Valentines fun, it begins with the famous  "Morphing Portraits" by Philip Scott Johnson.

• National Museum of Women in the Arts

• Wikipedia's fine overview of Women Artists through Time - really good and easy!

• The American Watercolor Society and the Women's Movement

Five minutes after humans began to interact, there was art, made by men, women and children, according to the history pros. Art, somehow, is essential and never biased.

Working with children's arts & crafts, paid and volunteer in schools, private & public, and neighborhood groups, pro and redcross in wars for arts and crafts timeouts, I learned that my first shown works were classic child - almost. For most children, it begins with The Mandala, or drawn circle with radiating straight lines. And my beautiful Mother NEVER punished me for my hallmark as a toddler: over and over I would draw in the flyleaf of one of our family library books - the mandala - and near it "Done By Ellen" - it looked like an odd bookplate, as though I could not bear being too little to write or publish my art and writings, so I put MY name on the works of others.

That soon changed and by the time I was six, was called "The Artists" or "Artiska" by Mother's Polish friends. A beginning that makes me happy to recall now. And my own first things read in public when I was ten. And it went on in a logical path because and in spite of life’s way with people.

 This website is my work as well, my second site, as it were.  I coded every page of the first one - addicted to tech - but I am  enjoying more time to actually get the art & writings done and shared, with this one,  thanks to Squarespace, my host.  I am very proud of this second online place and am enjoying being not quite so newbie about it  and I hope you find your time at ellefagan.com , now 17, worth the visit!

patron saint of artists

St. Catherine of Bologna was born on 8 September 1413. Her father was in the service of a marquis and this encouraged the marquis to choose Catherine to become an attendant to his daughter. Catherine and Princess Margaret, the daughter of the marquis, attended school together and received an excellent education in both literature and the arts. While at school, Catherine learned how to illuminate manuscripts, one example of her work is currently kept in an English museum.

When Princess Margaret married, Catherine left her service and followed a call to religious life. She joined a group of women following the Rule of St. Augustine and eventually convinced them to follow the Rule of the Poor Clares. In 1432, the whole community took the habit and vowed to follow the Franciscan Rule. After a few years, the community had experienced so much growth that a group of nuns were sent to Bologna to start another convent. Catherine was chosen as head of this group and served as superior of the new convent until her death.

As superior of the convent at Bologna, Catherine offered guidance and instruction to the other nuns. A large collection of autobiographical information and Catherine's advice can be found in her work "Treatise on the Seven Spiritual Weapons." Catherine died during Lent of 1463. Soon after her death, her body was exhumed because of miracles attributed to her intercession, and was found to be incorrupt. Her body remains incorrupt and is held at the Poor Clare convent in Bologna.

Catherine was canonized in 1712 and is the patron saint of artists.

17 Years later - 18 Ninelevens - the thing is still Undone feb 22

“Raising the Flag at Ground Zero” by Elle Fagan - sold and donated to share in Ventura California Schools - Dan McWilliams, George Johnson, Bill Eisengrein in the iconic moment
”Never Forget”

At Nineleven, a list was done up in a heartbeat - what happened, what could have prevented it, and what needs doing so that response and prevention will work better if it happens again! We have done some of the things on the list , but not nearly what needs to be done. To make America Great Again we need to raise our expectations of ourselves and make a few “A”s in on these tests. We need to engage and email our leaders and perhaps even help to GET IT DONE.

Just to name a few - no special details:

1. Better intelligence - we should have known and intercepted. Do we have more emergency response bases now?

2. Better protection of major terrorist targets - I still pray for the response pilot whose health collapsed after tearing up from Washington to intercept , but even at extraordinary speed, it was clear that intercept would not happen in time. There was supposed to be similar high-speed response nearby, but recession cutbacks meant that these mandates were cancelled as not necessary. So, Manhattan was an easy hit. By the way, such closings are not even secret usually. Anyone could have located our vulnerable targets.

3. Response tech must be synchonised - with synced channels for crises across the entire response world. Horror , sorrow and add in humiliation as the world watched us show how “The left hand did not know what the right hand was doing” at Ground Zero. Our superhero responders were lost, calling in data and reinforcements - without communications - lost and therefore, soon added to the casualties.

4. Better support for our responders in every way: better training, health and fitness, diet and equipment and ARMOR and non-deadly weapons to apprehend without killing…for ALL responders. It is no joke - we always think we are the best and we are NOT. Embarrassing.

5. MOST OF ALL: as a girl I saw the pods and other plans for rapid escape from planes and tall buildings: it was said to be too much for 1956, but should have been DONE by 1976 ! But it was NOT - and so in 2001, with no strong sure hi-tech escape and support till rescue might arrive, all those people died. Shouting now: NO ONE NEEDED TO DIE that day. There is a special place in the Devil’s home for those who suppressed that project….and continue to suppress it, when today, it’s easy and do-able by a dozen pathways and affordable. Details on request.
   
   
   We won’t be forgiven, now that we know better, we must confront and win and inform the public and team with the world on these goals, and stop playing a defensive old-fashioned game - yesterday’s tools will not fix today’s works.
   
   My wish and prayer is for EMPOWERMENT for all the people and powers needed to achieve in the Third Millennium. Please.
   
   World-class famous quote on this topic:
   “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing”
   -- Edmund Burke (British Statesman and Philosopher, 1729-1797)

It's About Life Being Valiant feb 23

The Winter Holidays work for a long list of reasons, but mostly because it Sings the Song of LIFE -  in the midst of cold and unfriendly days each year where all is dead or domant.  At such times, life is not merely charming, or warming - it is VALIANT.  

 Maybe that is why we love the story of Jesus so much - a really special new life, one that changed the world, delivered  in the middle of difficulty.  Valiant - a thing made more beautiful and clear because adversity did not dim its lights and actually made those lights shine all the brighter ! 

During a time where,  in most of the world,  people suffer from the cold its discouragement, this wonderful new life came to join us and show us the way.   So, instead of hiding out or quitting or crying or stopping our work,  we use the cold months as a generator of warmth, of insight, of triumph.  

One day, as a girl, an uncle with farmer skills told me, as I asked why he was shining up his tools, when it was snowing and nothing doing, " In Winter is JUST when we do these things, and we study the catalogs  ,buy the seeds and more, so when Spring comes, we will be ready and our tools and our plantings ready too!"  I carried that loving chat with me till this day to share now with you...just a beautiful thing to brighten gray days.  And he learned the way to use winter, in days when the Depression made such fidelity to life a valiant thing.

In college we learned easier lessons:   the winter months might inspire our best works - the challenge of the cold reduces heat's stupefying way - and opens the eyes and the mind.   Clear cold lights are sometimes the best!    Every glance says death or sleeping till spring, but not us - we breathhhhhhe in the challenge and breathe out fire of the mind and heart and the soul.  Every beat of our heart is winning argument against death itself.  Is that why we believe in pursuing long life?  

People Are Not for Hitting -Feb 24

Today, the New England Patriots won again and I am writing from Connecticut, so I guess Football clobbering must be exempt from the rule???

But this blog entry is shared here at the outset of Valentines season, to remind folk that statistics say that half the injuries to people in a couple, were inflicted by their romantic or marital partner in a moment of passion that went the wrong way.

At this Valentine season, look around and look within - make sure that the time and place for clobbering are kept in place.

I wrote this blog to make a statement for love in all its forms and against the opposite in all its forms.

Statistics are not good, still - even in 2019, some feel that to use and abuse are okay. It is NOT okay. It will NEVER be okay to abuse.

RECENTLY, however, it has been a beautiful thing to see court cases make very strong judgements in favor of the victims of assault and especially victimization of women. And now the leading cases cover abuse to citizenship, to the unborn, to the right to safety of citizens, and more. Thanks to ACTION on this subject, in the courts, ALL abused can walk their day’s path with one more solid bit of ground beneath their feet.

“People are not for hitting” - Famous persons who committed multiple acts of violence and did not see it as wrong, nor expressed remorse, are convicted and living much less privileged lives.

”People are not for hitting.” The phrase in my title was made famous In the 70’s book by Haim Ginnot, “Between Parent and Child” . It’s author introduced us to ways with people that work like magic and though written to help with children, those insights help me in my feelings and dealings with all people ever since.

The reason I refer to it is because so many still do NOT recognize the humanity of the woman or the child. Violence against women and similar intimate partner crime is still rampant, and perpetrator does not see it as a crime !

Here is a link from WHO , The World Health Organization has a brief overview of the still horrible statistics on the subject.

I worked lovingly and passionately and sometimes in partnership with my late husband in many of the new strong and wise Children’s projects, in the late 60s and throughout the 70s, and we LOVED every moment - and left off with it only to have two more of our own.

The idea is one of basic awareness that our love for people must remain a constant, even if some of the actions of the person need fixing…”You are terrific - staying up all night is not really terrific.” Separating the unworthy deed from the most-worthy person Works…..because that includes all of us….we all could use some tweaking , and the happy way with it make life a fine thing, indeed.

And when there is no answer, seek it lovingly.

e

Food - Valentine Guilt-free Chocolate Yoghurt feb 25

Plain Greek 0%fat YOGHURT wins !

With  little or no sin against YOU afterward. Nearly half your daily protein need!   Greek nofat plain yoghurt lets you flavor it to substitute for almost everything creamy in your diet:

• With Fruit for breakfast

• with salad at lunch

• creamy meat sauces at dinner

• dessert with a sweet liqueur on top

Once you get started exploring with it in your diet, you will wonder "where have you been all my life? "        Here are a few that light up my dieter's menu :

 My fun with it is to mix to taste, varying the proportions, flavorings and toppings - mix in tangerine segments or berries if guests arrive - doubles the volume AND the flavor fun.   Drizzle  a sweet liqueur you might think a good match.   Even a failed experiment is fun.   I used plain vanilla with cherries and drizzled with Cassis- ( at 80 calories/ounce, a tablespoon of the liqueur is fine for even a tough diet ) the currant berry liqueur -wow!   Enjoy it for an hourrrrrr if you like - A really small spoon to savor the flavor...yum.

CHOCOLATE ORANGE YOGURT MOUSSE

The richness of Chocolate mousse at under 100 calories per serving.  Prep time:  ten minutes. Ingredients in bold.

• 0% fat Plain Greek Yogurt - one cup in a small mixing bowl

• vanilla extract - one teaspoon - stir in first - this makes it thin for a moment

• 100% powdered cacao unsweetened chocolate - 3 or more Tablespoons

• salt - just a dash

• sweetener of your choice - Sweeten to taste - I do not recommend Stevia for it - it may bite. Gently blend ingredients. DONE -

• I make mine at serving time, since it is nearly instant - turn into three or four dessert dishes and top with

• fresh orange zest and serve cool or at room temp.

The blend of flavors is rich - serve with a small spoon to savor the flavor!  So sweet and tangy - the cacao / yoghurt / zest sounds like it might be TOO tangy, but it is not, somehow , especially with a bit of sweetener - or a lot of sweetener, if you need it.   IT is very exciting and tasty as dessert,  with a bit of black coffee or tea alongside - like water for chocolate indeed. An elegant evening thing, I think - when it is time to relax and enjoy -  alone or with friends, it creates a special moment.   And even with sugar as a sweetener, not too many calories per serving!  An "all of the fun - none of the guilt " item.

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ABOUT SUBSTITUTIONS IN RECIPES - YES YES -

• Ranch or other white creamy dressing for salads or things like cucumber - sweeten or salt it lightly, to take the edge off.

• Instead of sour cream in almost everything that calls for sour cream - I stir it in last, at serving time , to avoid killing the cultures from heat/cold.

• Instead of gluten-y flour or cornstarch to thicken a winter soup - again, stir it in last, at serving time, to minimize damage to cultures from heat/cold

• I have not tried to make my own frozen yoghurt, but will - it's probably amazing in cakes etc., too...have not tried it , thinking it would kill the cultures.

• The puddings are amazing! And the fun of the creating new combinations is an extra!

AND FINALLY:  food for thought -   I TRANSLATE favorite recipes with the yoghurt,  for the way I eat to stay fit and feisty at "ahemm...upper midlife" :-D   LIke this one.....
 
"PUMPKIN DUMP CAKE"  FOR EXAMPLE THIS RECIPE FOR WILDLY TASTY AUTUMN FUN
Cookiesandcups.com shares this yummy version
But for me, it's too much guilt for not enough fun...so I do this:
to start I rename it from pumpkin dump cake to "Pumpkin Jump Cake" to put some rescue from the rocking chair into the title. You may need the comfort title but I do not. 

Then: I substitute NOTHING for the pumpkin - Pumpkin is right,  at any age.
but I trade off all the fattening ingredients for ones that are sugar, fat and gluten-free.....easy to do and works in most recipes.

Then, substitute the ice cream they serve on top,  for a huge dollop of 0% fat , plain GREEK supercreamy yogurt , zero-calorie sweetener, and flavored with any thing you like, sugar free or not, because , with all that calorie and heart-smart stuff, you can afford to top it with Anything - the caramel sauce in the original recipe... ORRRRR....more likely it would be a heart-smart splash of orange zest and/or my favorite Liqueur, or vanilla or the pumpkin pie spice mixes.   Yes, if you like liqueurs on things, there are caramel liqueurs...or plain kahlua? cranberry? currant, elderberry...
Wildly good treat -  All of the fun / none of the guilt and five extra quality years for you, too. 


ONE IMPORTANT - "SAFETY FIRST" note:   Try your ideas alone, before serving them to family and friends.   
ANOTHER IMPORTANT "SAFETY FIRST" note:    Experimenting?   I put a dollop of the greek yoghurt - fat free - along side things - repeat,  ALONGSIDE things, so you can try it and see how it tastes FIRST before stirring into an entire recipe.  

That's it for the yoghurt news - sharing my "find" simply because it made me that happy!

Other diet notes:   once you get into a positive diet mind, it's like a lottery win, the health, weight loss AND tasty eating experiences , with the self-

HALF MEASURE FOR FULL MEASURE OF PLEASURE 

This is not really a diet item, but an approach to making your diet WORK - Whatever it is, just halve the quantity of  it - not till you can make it a happy thing - if your mind is not pleased with the idea it's too hard to stay with it.

Do not halve it all at once, but pick a starting point - right in front of you - and just start out cutting all you eat in half - if you normally eat two of a thing, eat one instead.    And this includes sides and condiments - not just the main items and desserts.  Example:  at the 120 calories a tablespoon of butter or oil, use a teaspoon of it instead and WIN.  If you usually have two burgers have one - with tasty beef as low fat as possible and stick to fresh veggies for toppings and watch the mayo - if you must have some, just use half of what you'd normally do.     0% FAT GREEK YOGURT works like crazy, for anything creamy - sweeten it or spice it , or turn it into a blancmange, but it works and is probiotic at  100calories a cup....a few tablespoons with chives or other herbs for your salad is almost calorie-free and yet realy tasty and supercreamy.

It's so easy - you can charm yourself into  half the calories in this pleasurable way, you will lose weight and be able to keep it off.   Of course a diet diary is smart, if you it works for you - it can make new dieters a bit crazy - a casual, but honest, mental tally might be easier at frst;  make notes till you are into your stride in it about the food and the exercise:  
NOTE:   Increasing mobility is key and that way you feel better immediately and so are likely to stay with your plan.  

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HYDRATE FOR WEIGHT LOSS AND LOW PAIN

Keep water handy - plain, filtered, or add a squirt of lemon juice - just a bit so that when you taste it you do not want it sweetened.   My carafe is old and hold exactly one quart, so I know what I have taken.  A dieting body will lose some overeating urges with the waters, and it helps slough off the waste produced when we diet.  Since you may be exercising more, the key to success is sipping a bit of water every few minutes.

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one of my things was part of  The White House State Easter Egg Display in 2007 - definitely NOT my usual watercolor or show. This fine honor has a story and pictures - click here.

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An A.I. moment Valentines Devices feb 28th

It’s perfectly okay that this year my Valentine is virtual and digital and inorganic.

When I stopped to think about it, it was true:

• my Apple Watch and its alarm literally saved my life,

• my wired money helps me survive;

• my appliances around the house keep my delighted with treats that keep me in good health and appearance and fitness if I miss the day spa.

• The website helps me share my art for income and to donate it to save the whole world.

• Emails bring biz and social notes, opportunities, information, my news, my passion and romance stories, the neat adventures and mysteries

• my alarm system with cameras protect and report for my secure experience in my home

• online i find my old Adventuregirls team for planning and memory

• the support teams that keep all this tech in shiny shape touch me like true friends because they support and empower, as we plan the adventures this Spring and Summer, and how it’s going to happen
  
  

The virtual IS the actual in many ways, since these devices fill in the valences in our sphere and keep us sound. My new Apple watch will even call 911 FOR me, should I fall and not get up, or seem unnaturally immobile. As though sharing my space with a friend, my devices give me such peace of mind. They are about as reliable as a person around the place.

"In a TED conference talk in 2017 called "Our Robotic Overloads," Apple’s famous Ted Gruber predicted that while some fear artificial intelligence replacing humanity, it's better for the technology to augment humanity.

A Dog is not a Cat - an apple not an orange - in spite of similarities and usefulness in our lives. Comparing human and Artificial Intelligence is likely to have odd results since their processes vary.

AI is growing up and will one day NOT need humans to create and maintain it....not so different from Assimov's book "I,Robot" written 70 SEVENTY years ago. And the 2004 film based on the book is FIFTEEN…we are there.

REMEMBER: Laws of Robotics , penned by Assimov,  like our Bill of Rights,  assured there would NOT be any such war, but so far, most people are mindless and clueless re: being good citizens on this point. We are simply getting adrenaline from the danger in ignoring the issues....AGAIN.

…like when we failed to create the escape pods in the skyscrapers and planes 50 years ago...so easy to do now, and still undone, so we got to experience a NINELEVEN.   Things like that will happen in every place in things where we CHOSE to to NOT grow and simply NOT do the right thing.

And it will go on,  until it degerates into a wild and wailing cry that shakes the very heavens, as Tommy Maken said in "Four Green Fields"    Because each day when we talk with people they simply could not be bothered, and , instead of taking up the winning banners with a passion, they sneer and walk off.

Worse: you won't find ONE WORD on these subjects in any news in the mainstream, and so , while news media has the holy mandate to inform, the realworld mandate says share what the advertisers pay you to share and skip the rest or else….

But I envision the breakthroughs coming:   I see, in my mind's eye,   A fourth Document to be added to the Charters of Freedom - the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution and and the Bill of Rights.

….the fourth Charter will be about the backbone of our lives with technology - its mandates and powers integrated with our own. Humans and Artificial Intelligence need to get around to it - the I, Robot war has begun and we just don't think about it, the way we tolerate our beloved children wiggling around and mischiefing a bit, till they escalate the shenanigans to a point of danger and concern that forces action.

WE DO LOVE our tech....there is no answer , seek it lovingly....but seek it.

Squarespace Lady feb 26

"We are sorry, there is no such site."

Displayed when I asked for MY arts site of fourteen years -  ellefagan.com.  IN the following days, more and more website functionality issues tumbled onto my desk,  with my formerly-beloved web host,  Aplus.net.   The Aplus super Customer service had been grand in helping set up, upgrade and fix issues,  and get right back to work for years. 

 NOT THIS TIME - not only were there repeated issues with Aplus, that worsened -  the customer service people became malicious.   It became a bad dream for me with Aplus hosting and that resulted in a complete site crash at end 2014. 

What happened: The checkbook company,  Deluxe For Business, or DFB,  had bought out Aplus, and I thought that might be grand!  Their ownership should not have upset my pages.  But it did, very much!   Site visitors dropped from really  nice, for a small private site, to almost zero.  Normally, even while disabled, nice extra Holiday sales would help make a Happy Holiday to share.  NOT this year!   

Time for me to leave them.  Things were disintegrating.  They keep archives of websites in case of crashes or power-outs, but they would NOT give me a copy of my site, and a nice goodbye,  so I had to go to my FTP pathway and haul ten years of files from their files to my desktop - which fried the computer - a trusty iMac that had two more years of NORMAL use to it.  

Worse:  Aplus' people also simply cut me off from MY domain name <ellefagan.com> and used it for their ads!   I was able to get the law at them immediately .  They stopped exploiting my domain name.  But they would NOT transfer it back to my domain name store, so I could use it at the new web host's .  That was December 2014.  Domain names renew each year at the same time as the date they were first purchased.   And since <ellefagan.com> would renew again in February, I watched it at the domain name company and bought it back at renewal time with a forwarding command to the new domain I had by then.  Yikes!  

The old pages would have to be redone and updated, anyway, or at least transferred manually to the new site.  And the COST to me in equipment, stress and missed holiday sales was NO joke.  My old attorney had retired and the new one needed a larger retainer than I could afford.  Cry if you need to. Then, Pray and get to work.

Still technically disabled, but "fine" now, that website <ellefagan.com> had contributed to my survival daily and was key to regaining financialy "fine" as well.   So  I ran to see if I could find a DECENT new web host.    I still think it was an angel - suddenly, I"just found"  them - "Squarespace",  a fine and popular company, with , actually much more to offer for my needs, and for nice decent money.  I Googled them and the stories about Squarespace were encouraging.   Anddddd they are arts-friendly and so, I thought,  maybe this find was going to bea left-handed blessing - to cheer my Christmas.

But Winter Holiday 2014, I spent  pre-Christmas sale time, crying, working to fix the issues, settling and doing up the new site... often missing the rapport of those years when I'd chat with Ivan Vachovsky, Aplus' genius entrepreneur, and the site folk, for one thing or another and it always had gone so nicely - and for years- so I was hurt to lose them.   NOT a good Christmas!

I used a small immediate lawsuit win/chargeback - from Aplus,  to buy the Squarespace site, at the end of November 2014 . Rocking from the upsetting farewell from my old world, it was now 2015, and I had a new world online to get to know.   And, with Aplus hurting my domain name <ellefagan.com>, my part of cyberspace would be injured - maybe for good.  I had to use my name in full <elleSMITHfagan.com> for the new site. 

I smiled.  I am like John Hancock, on the Declaration of Independence,  now with a huge big name....<ELLESMITHFAGAN.COM>.   I reacted: "ok, demons from hell, if you hated <ellefagan.com> you may have <ellesmithfagan.com> and like it.     So there!   I smiled a little bit for the first time in weeks. 

Still, it would have been nicer to skip the issues.  To stay out of trouble in the first place is better than rescue in the second place.

It is four Christmas Seasons coming now and I am thrilled with Squarespace and my life is normal again. A few months ago , I even did my first big upgrade with them.  Their staff is ALL English-speaking and maybe that is a help in tech issues galore with a nice content-rich  site like mine. Andddd....their templates save more time than I can believe. Super!     I have no perception of the online/offline issues - all my famly are tech-comfy.  I did my first data things in 1969.

I am fine and hope you will enjoy your visits to my  wonderful Squarespace site as much as I enjoy making them for you!

Children'sl Valentines Day notes feb 27

This image captures it - almost exactly us, with Daddy as photographer - the idyll! I treasure this memory with gratitude...elle.

For my Valentines of many years, now grown and flying high and free.

"Your children are not your children - they are the sons and daughters of life's yearning for itself"  .  God is the Archer,  my late husband and I the Bow and string, and our children the arrows we sent into the world.  


Such thinking really helps and I am glad I was cultivated to it. But ohhhhhh....those years with them idling in the quiver!   And just dancing about and deployed not far and for fun only....just to be ready for when it was time and shined up and returned to their place.  Those days keep me just fine and glowing whenever I tap into them!

Our children are grown and married and living distantly for some time now.  And they are truly NOT my children,  from so long apart.   I think of them daily and thank God for them in my life during their growing years, but I have not one clue as to who they are today, beyond the information that they are of good ways and successful.  

Their pediatrician suggested I prepare myself for exactly that sort of thing - they were evolving the sort of children who do so - raising them so far from "roots" - they lack the instincts that are mine, of family closeness and ties.   Still, I think they will want to know me again one day, and I am not easy about it. I will expect a LOT of charm on their part to make up for their cavalier way with my love for them.

I have not been able to get them together for an updated formal photo since this one 1996. But happy to have it.

Growing up in Fairfield Connecticut was like living a Norman Rockwell image - full of all the good things, shared with grand heart and lots of spirit - love of God and Country and romance.

I was passionate to learn every skill of wifedom and motherhood and  was a "Pied Piper"  - I loved children, in general and they seemed to like me in return. I was not afraid.

I dreamed of my Handsome Prince, and saw him like vision at the onset of puberty - almost down to the last detail, the vision was true.   I had run outdoors to watercolor the pretty Bachelors' Buttons on a warm day in May, before it was to late, and suddenly, there he was, in my heart's eye - projected on the sky before me - MY bachelor -  A fuzzy image but I could see he was fair and his eyes smiling with love at me in the right way.   The vision proved true and he arrived , for real, in clear focus the night we met at the dance. We grew in fine work and love and I am more than fine, from the gift of  that fine man in my life.

She played flute, clarinet, and recorder and some piano from me. Plays the recorder, still, I think.

A year after that first vision of Romance, there was another vision, almost on the very spot - our son !  He, too, was fair and strong and good and for the world.   A year later, in the middle of Latin I class, there was  the third - "amo, amas, amat....amanda = she must be loved"  And there she was, alive in my mind's eye,  - my soul was alight with her - "I have a little daughter!  - and she is a little jewel!  And her name is Amanda ",  and then blushed - thinking the class must have heard such glowing thinking , as though spoken aloud.    Sister looked at me , then at us....and wrote on the board :  "Rarae Aves"  ... my students are "rarae aves" = "rare birds" !   Okay, I'll accept that, but my insights came true!   

I was not disappointed - the births were both complicated but fine and rarely a bad moment - their Father completed college, came home from war with full health, fine medals and still loving me, on the happiest day of my life!   I did not dare fail its mandates, to show appreciation and make our good life the best - the best we could. 

And we did. Days began and ended with togetherness and a kiss and a sense of family  and team. Character building, body building and mental and emotional development and FUN - just plain fun every day.  It did not seem halcyon - there was lots of responsibility in our work and love but it was wonderful and appreciated.

Our son one Christmas near Y2K

When their Father died, too young and suddenly, they could not know the new motives and directives to me  - the passion to help them heal - all three of us were "damaged goods" for some time , from the shock and sorrow.  We cried and hugged and dreamed up healing things and got counselling to be sure we were doing the grief-recovery journey correctly.  Time passed.  We seemed to do so well, once again!  And we declared the triumph, in spite of the setback of recession days on our investments and , in turn, our powers as a family circle.

Still, I was so very proud of my two "Super Troopers"  - they showed great character and integrity and love, rallying to regain a happy healthy life.   But  then as the special days of healing passed, it seemed there was a need to prove ourselves 'on our two feet' again and when the fact that "LIFE IS"   meant that not all days were full of new triumphs, there was the feeling of loss and resentment again.   They began to delay or forget replies to my letters and emails and it went off from there, till I am singing alone to them - and praying alone for them -  in the morning and then getting busy with my own good life and sending what my spirit can muster.

I am not a dud - I thought they would WANT my friendship at least, but now I fear that they must have only felt all that work and love to heal them as more aggravation to be rid of, as soon as possible.   I cut back on my own letters and gifts, since they had no interest in them, to save my own life and, sadly, turn my energies and love to places more positive.

I am fine - parents know that children do it that way, sometimes, and I was prepared.  And I am happy and busy and cannot wait to get started at my days and nights!  

But I really expected to do a yearly rendezvous with them and an occasional creative project for our mutual financial gain, as we had done all along, even when they were very young.   And that memory cache is archived and treasured and cared for in my heart to come alive one day.  I think that, to them, if their Dad and I were the Bow and bowstring, that, with the Bow passed away, I am a bowstring in the grass somewhere and not easy to find, inspite of art to the White House, and this site and lifetime of fine work and love and social pathways. Sighhhhhh....

IN the meantime, I send "Yours in a heartbeat" in my emails to  my children - and mean it.  I am red cross and similar in my way and can still run to the rescue if they need...and have the sense to call.  Thanks to the many unbroken years of very best memory, I can easily still send my love and gratitude for the many, many days full of laughter and sunshine and triumph over every thing, great or small. That light and power feeds me happily,  even now.

Links to our stories will be here I think.....fun to share , even if just 'for the record'   Here is the complet "On Children" by Kahlil Gibran in "The Prophet"

Elle Smith Fagan